Without a Map (Beacon Press, 2007) provides the adoption world with a realistic perspective of a birthmother’s life following the relinquishment of a child. Eloquently and memorably written, this memoir takes readers through the raw experience of losing a child, the loss and guilt felt after relinquishment and during reunion, as well as the wisdom of a woman who has had a difficult journey.
The Experience of a Birthmother in the 1960’s
Growing up in a New Hampshire community, Hall describes how she loved the security of being raised in a place where she was defined by how she and her family were perceived by others. This changed, however, when she became pregnant at sixteen and was forced to place her son for adoption.
Using a compelling flashback style of storytelling throughout Without a Map, Hall is able to convey to readers the shame and darkness that comes from being shunned from a community for her indiscretions. This place of emptiness sets the stage for the rest of the birthmother’s story to be told.
Dealing With the Relinquishment of a Child
In Without a Map, Hall tells about the free-thinking era of the late 60’s and early 70’s through the eyes of a youth who had secrets to keep and anger that seethed. As the U.S. is in a state of change, she herself is making a journey to find out who she is post-relinquishment.
The central themes of loss, grief, aloneness, and guilt are apparent as Hall artfully and vividly recounts her life-changing pilgrimage through Europe, caring for her mother, and eventually becoming a mother to two more sons.
Reuniting With a Biological Son
At twenty-one, Hall’s biological son she placed for adoption in 1966, contacts her. She talks about the myriad of emotions that both of them feel as they learn about each other and also the hardships the adoption placed on them.
Through the use of metaphors and beautifully descriptive passages the author is able to capture the joys, confusion, betrayals and forgiveness that permeates their relationship. Upon introducing her reunited son to her other two boys, Hall describes, “I am caught between loves, my two children suddenly three, on an unnavigated course. The confused waters swirl around all of us as we drive home.”
Hall also talks about meeting and spending time with her son’s adoptive family, which is healing for her. Despite the hardships her son endured, her appreciation for the relationship her son has with his adoptive mom is stronger than the regrets she has for not raising him.
A Birthmother’s Perspective at Mid-Life
At the end of Without a Map, Hall describes how she has come to peace with what her life is, including forgiving both her parents. With this new perspective she is able to build a new start for herself.
Ending on a quiet and reflective note, she writes in the last few pages of her memoir, “I have lived this life, and no matter what others decide about it, I must claim each decision as mine. I have caused harm, failed in the expectations and obligations of love. I have loved well. What I do each day is carried within me until I die.” Readers may sense that this forgiveness of herself and others is what she sought in the writing of Without a Map.
In this revealing, brave and compelling memoir, Meredith Hall describes the lifetime of work that birthmothers must do to be at ease about their child’s relinquishment. Giving insight in the losses, guilt and wisdom that can be gained on such a journey, Without a Map is an important read for all members of the adoption constellation.
Other Suite101.com Adoption Book Reviews:
Don’t Call Me Mother by Elizabeth Elias
Pieces of Me by Robert Ballard
Labours of Love by Deborah Brennan
Hall, Meredith. Without a Map: A Memoir. Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press, 2007 (ISBN: 978-0-8070-7273-8).
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
