As soon as the phone call comes that a baby they have been chosen for has been born, adoptive parents are filled with mixed emotions. In all likelihood, their adoption journey has been an emotional roller coaster ride and they might not be sure what to do when the day that all their dreams come true finally arrives.
From preparing for the first visit and what to bring, to communicating with birth family and planning the future as an adoptive family, these are some general guidelines for adoptive parents bringing home a newborn from the hospital.
Going to the Hospital to See Adopted Infant
Ideally, the adoption worker will outline the plan of where the adoptive parents will see the baby, whether the birth family will be present, how long the visit will be and also make the hospital aware of the adoptive parents’ involvement. Plans about whether the baby will be going home with the adoptive parents, moving to a foster home or remaining in the hospital will also be discussed. It is important for adoptive parents to be flexible with these plans as anything can happen, including an adoption reversal.
Despite everyone in the extended adoptive family being excited about the baby’s arrival, it is advised that the adoptive parents go to the hospital on their own. Adoptive grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends need to wait, so the birth family and new parents are not overwhelmed during this emotional time.
What Adoptive Parents Should Bring to the Hospital
If the plan is for the adoptive parents to bring the baby home, they need to be prepared as any new parents with the following items:
- infant carrier and car seat
- bottles
- formula
- diapers
- identification of adoptive parents
- clothes for the baby
- camera
- video camera
- paper and pen to document details and questions
- snacks and reading materials for the wait
- change for parking and vending machines
It is also necessary to bring along paperwork from the adoption agency in case information is needed for the baby’s file and also a list of phone numbers for everyone involved with the baby’s adoption.
Depending on where the adoption is taking place, there are sometimes rules about what gifts can be given to the birth mother, even on the day she delivers her baby. For example, in Ontario, it is illegal for adoptive parents to even give a birth mother a card or flowers, for fear that such actions may sway her decision to relinquish her child for adoption. In this case, any gifts that are brought to the hospital are for the child.
Talking With Birth Family at the Hospital
Being at the hospital with the infant’s birth mother and other members of the birth family can be an emotional and awkward time. It is best to let the emotions be real and to especially respect the birth mother’s wishes regarding time with her baby. Adoptive parents need to ask for help from the social worker if conversation is difficult and the situation becomes too overwhelming.
Discussing Plans for Contact Between Adoptive and Birth Families
Sometimes during this emotional time, there is the danger of making promises to the birth family that will not be easily kept such as regular visits and frequent contact. To help keep perspective, discuss plans for contact between the families at a later, less intense time. It is also important to recognize that everyone will be grieving and give the space and time for that to happen.
Even though the birth of a baby who is going to be adopted is a joyous, exciting time, it can also be a very difficult experience for everyone involved. Adoptive parents need to work together with the adoption professionals and birth family to make a positive and memorable first chapter in the child’s adoption story.
Source:
Babycentre.com Website. "Packing List for the Hospital or Birth Centre" (accessed September 22, 2010).
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
