Choosing a childcare provider is one of the most stressful decisions parents have to make, especially for parents whose child has issues with attachment and transitions. For many adoptive families this is the first time they have left their child entrusted to others and it may also be the first experience of being an advocate for their child.
In order for the transition to daycare to be as smooth as possible, adoptive parents need to discuss the child’s adoption with staff, help set-up routines and prepare the child for the change.
Telling Daycare Providers about Child’s Adoption
As communication about a child’s adoption is encouraged, it stands to reason that the people looking after an adoptee on a day-to-day basis need to be informed of the child’s adoption status. Regardless of whether the child is an infant, toddler or preschooler, the adoptive parents need to give the staff working closest to the child the following information:
- details of the child’s unique needs such as therapies, medication and learning gaps
- strategies for encouraging attachment and handling change
- routines and rituals that have helped the child find comfort and feelings of security
- resources for positive adoption language
- details on how much the child knows of his adoption story
It is important for adoptive parents to remember that daycare staff do not need to know anything about birth family issues or circumstances of conception, but do need to be aware of any special needs for the child such as fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.
Setting-up Daycare Routines for an Adopted Child
Transitions can be particularly difficult for adopted children as they have already experienced so many life changes that have been outside of their control. They may not fully understand how daycare fits into the course of their day and adoptive parents need to take extra care in providing comfort to their child by helping to set-up a routine with the daycare. Some things adoptive parents should consider are:
- allowing him to take a familiar object from home such as a toy or blanket
- giving space and time at home and daycare for the child to adjust to the change
- spending more time on positive home routines and rituals such as bed or bath time
- setting up a plan with the daycare provider beforehand on how to handle drop-offs and pick-ups
As most daycares already have established routines, it is important for adoptive parents to clarify their child’s needs around naps, eating and discipline. For example, a preschooler who experiences night terrors as a result of being in an orphanage may find it more comfortable to sleep in an area that is separated from the other children. If feelings of abandonment and insecurity are issues for a toddler, it would be helpful to talk to staff about using time-ins, rather than time-outs, as a discipline tactic for the child.
Preparing an Adopted Child to Attend Preschool or Daycare
Regardless of the child’s age, it is important for adoptive parents to spend some time talking about the transition with their adoptee so they can address issues before the change comes. The conversations should be positive and help the child understand in concrete terms what changes they can expect. To help a child get used to the idea of daycare, adoptive parents could:
- rehearse drop-offs and pick-ups with the child
- photograph the new daycare environment to give the child visual cues at home
- take the child for transition visits to the centre
Transitioning to daycare may bring up some adoption issues for an adoptee, even fears of moving to another family. To help ease an adopted child’s anxiety, adoptive parents should also talk about everything that is remaining the same for example, their house, their name, their parents and their toys.
Much like preparing an adopted child for attending school, the onus is on the adoptive parents to share information, set-up supports and communicate with everyone through the transition. By working together, adoptive parents and childcare facilities can help adopted kids have a positive daycare experience.
Sources:
CareforKids.com Web site. (accessed October 7, 2010)
Daycare.com Web site. (accessed October 7, 2010)
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
