In recent years it has become encouraged for birth siblings to remain in contact with each other, regardless of their living circumstances. Depending on the situation, foster, adoptive and kinship families can help biological siblings stay in touch through e-mail, phone calls, letters and sometimes visits.
In some cases, it is appropriate and a benefit for the children involved to be invited to celebrations with each other including birthdays, Christmas, and other special occasions. To make the event a success it requires careful planning, clear guidelines about gift giving and also some preparation of the siblings.
Planning a Party for Adopted and Foster Kids
The first thing to consider when organizing a party for adopted and foster kids is to consider who to invite. In some open arrangements it is very natural for birth parents, birth grandparents and other biological extended family to attend a child’s birthday party.
In other cases, it makes sense to have two separate celebrations, one for the immediate friends and family, and a second one specifically for members of the birth family, including siblings. Much depends on the dynamics of the family relationships and the comfort levels of everyone involved.
Another factor to consider in planning is the location of the party. If the relationship between siblings is strained or there are safety issues, it may be a good idea to host the event outside of the child’s home in venues such as:
- Mini-golf course
- Park
- Restaurant with indoor playground
- Ice rink
- Indoor gymnasium
- Bowling alley
- Swimming pool
- Skateboard park
- Art gallery
- Children’s museum
It is very important to make the event kid-friendly with activities that entertain and take the focus off just the siblings playing together. Parents and caregivers need to set realistic expectations and not force a relationship between siblings. Their job is to present opportunities for the kids to connect and the siblings will find their comfort level within the situation.
Gift Ideas for Biological Siblings
Whether birth siblings have been invited for a birthday party or Christmas celebration, it often makes things easier if there are guidelines set out around gift-giving. The family hosting the party can indicate on the invitations whether gifts are encouraged, if the party is centred around a theme and if there are any special traditions that are being followed for the event.
In most cases, kids will choose a present for their biological siblings just as they would for a friend. The Suite101.com articles Homemade Gifts for Birth Families and Adoption Gifts for Adopted Kids have unique and sentimental gift ideas for biological family members.
Preparing Birth Siblings to Attend a Special Event
Despite a birthday party or holiday occasion being a happy event, for adopted and foster kids these events can also bring up difficult feelings. As with all visits with birth family, it is crucial to talk to the children both before and after the event. It may also be helpful to:
- Read books about siblings living apart.
- Journal about the experience.
- Draw a picture of the event.
- Take lots of pictures and involve the children in creating a photo album or scrapbook.
- Write a thank you letter or e-mail, highlighting favourite parts of the celebration.
Celebrating special occasions with birth siblings not only creates special memories, it helps to form positive relationships between siblings who live apart. The most important thing for parents and caregivers to remember is that the party planning must be child-centred in order to be successful.
Sources:
Scholastic.com. Birthday Party Etiquette FAQ’s (accessed July 6, 2010).
Melina, Lois, Ruskai and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. The Open Adoption Experience. New York: Harper Collins, 1993.
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
