Open adoption is a child-centred approach to ensuring that adopted kids have safe and loving homes, while also having a connection to their birthfamily. In order to see the positive benefits of having an open adoption, prospective parents as well as their support system need to debunk the myths about this unique relationship.
Issues for the Adopted Child
The child will be confused about who the real parents are.
Children who join their families before the age of six do not really understand their biological connection to birthmom or birthdad, even if they have an open adoption. However, as their awareness of their adoption evolves, their feelings toward the adoptive parents remain unchanged. Kids know that their adoptive parents are "real" parents despite having contact with their birthparents.
The child will want to move in with her birthfamily when she gets older.
By having an open adoption, children see the lifestyle of their birthparents first hand. In many cases, this eliminates the birthparent fantasies that had prevalence in confidential adoptions. Adopted kids may always be curious about the life of their birthmother or birthfather, but in all likelihood, do not wish to live with them.
The Nature of the Adoption Relationship
Openness means that the birth and adoptive families have to share full identifying information with each other.
According to James L. Gritter, a true open adoption means that birth and adoptive families share full identifying information and meet in person. However, due to circumstances and level of comfort, contact between both families can be maintained in different ways.
- e-mails
- letters sent via the adoption agency or lawyer
- phone calls
- visits in central locations
Many open adoption relationships start very guarded with minimal information shared and then evolve to periodic visits in each other’s homes. In other cases, there may be frequent visits at first, but as time goes on, there is less contact overall.
Having an open adoption means the birthparents share in the parenting of the adopted child.
Open adoption is not custody sharing over a child. Adoption is legally binding and transfers all parental rights to the adoptive parents while at the same time terminating those of the birthparents. Clear communication of boundaries and expectations will help define the role the birthfamily will play in the child’s life.
For more information regarding the impact of open adoption on adopted children and their families, read Myths about Birthparents in Open Adoption.
References
Gritter, James L. The Spirit of Open Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 1997.
Melina, Loi Ruskai and Sharon Kaplan Roszia. The Open Adoption Experience. New York: HarperPerennial, 1993.
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
