Although most adoptive parents fear unwanted or unplanned contact from the birth family, it is more likely that adoptees will eventually search for their birth parents through social networking sites first. In the case of adult adoptees, Facebook may be one of the first places they casually type their birth relative’s name to just see what turns up, even if they are not ready to reunite with them. In short, Facebook has changed how accessible information about a person’s life is, particularly in the world of adoption.
Despite contact between adoptees and birth family being a contentious issue only since the mid-20th century (Singer, 2011), there is a growing amount of research indicating that contact is beneficial to everyone in the adoption constellation. The prevalence of Facebook is making searching for birth family even easier, but it is not without its challenges.
Pros of Contacting Birth Relatives Through Facebook
Facebook has become a valuable tool for searching for people in general. Some adoptees have taken the initiative to set up open Facebook pages in order to attract other adoptees and birth families who are searching. The factors that contribute to the attraction for searching on Facebook include:
- Ease of searching anonymously
- Insight into a person’s life
- Perceived distance between adoptee and biological family
- Possibility of contact with other members of birth family in addition to birth parents
The mere fact that it’s possible to search for someone at no cost in the comfort of your home is a technological advancement especially in an age when sealed adoption records are still a controversy. The universal popularity of Facebook also makes searching for birth family straightforward as it crosses all geographic boundaries and is not stifled by legal processes like adoption registries.
Cons of Making Contact with Biological Family Through Facebook
As with any information available on the Internet, there are risks for adoptees using Facebook as a means of searching for birth family, with lack of privacy being the largest. As indicated by Facebook’s policies, it is up to the user to determine privacy preferences and set controls. Realistically, a Facebook user’s privacy is only as secure as their least private Facebook friend.
It is also important to remember that Facebook is used by people primarily for entertainment and connecting with friends and family. It was not intended as a way for adoptees and birth families to find each other, and despite being used this way, birth family members may not be ready for or open to contact.
How to Make Birth Family Contact Through Facebook
Much like researching one’s family tree, searching for birth family on Facebook can be a multi-layered process of narrowing down people based on limited information. The most crucial piece of information that is needed for a search is a name. This can be obtained from the adoptee’s social history, adoption registry or original birth certificate. Next, Facebook users can narrow down the search by matching possible geographic locations and ages.
Once a possible biological family member has been identified, it is advised to send a private e-mail through Facebook rather than making a friend request or writing on the person’s wall. To help increase privacy, an adoptee might want to consider making a separate Facebook account specifically for birth family contact, adjusting the control settings accordingly.
Facebook has changed how adoptees search for birth family. When searches are done from a place of respecting the privacy of everyone involved, Facebook can be a valuable tool for making and continuing a connection with an adoptee’s roots.
Sources
- Beaverhausen, Anastasia. “The Big Adoption Secret and Finding Family on Facebook”.
- FindMyFamily.org Website (accessed May 16, 2011).
- Facebook.com Website (accessed May 18, 2011).
- Singer, Ellen. “Embrace the Role of Birth Parents in Adopted Children’s Lives”. Adoptalk (publication of North American Council on Adoptable Children), Winter 2011.
Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
