Public display of affection among kids is a touchy subject for many as it brings up the issue of personal boundaries. Some argue that it is important for kids to learn positive forms of affection to build trust with other people. Others fear that kids who are overly affectionate risk being alienated or hurt by others who do not appreciate the show of affection.
Talk to Kids About Personal Space
According to Kids In the Know, a program of the Canadian Centre for Child Protection, it is important to teach children about personal boundaries when they are very young. For an overly affectionate child, learning about personal boundaries includes knowing who is okay to hug and kiss, and also what an appropriate touch is. If parents overlook this vital social skill, children are at risk of trusting potential abusers.
To help kids understand the concept of personal space, have them spread their arms wide and spin slowly in a circle. The invisible circle that is made with their arms is their personal space. Discuss with the children that other people have personal space just like they do and there are times that the space needs to be entered such as line-ups at school and bathroom help.
Teaching Kids Appropriate Ways to Show Affection
One of the most effective ways of talking to kids about showing affection to others is to discuss appropriate touch for themselves.
- Explain that any body part that a girl’s bathing suit would cover is off limits unless a trusted adult is helping with a bath or toileting.
- Help kids understand the difference between good touches and bad touches by explaining where it is okay to be touched by identifying body parts and when it is appropriate for those parts to be touched.
- Teach kids that poking, unwanted tickling and clinging onto others is an invasion of personal space and not appropriate to do to friends or family.
- Advise children to ask permission before entering someone’s personal space such as sitting on an adult’s lap or holding the hand of a classmate.
- Let kids know that it is okay to say "no" to any form of touch and they need to listen when someone else tells them to stop touching him or her.
- Role model appropriate affection with others and explain why some people receive a handshake greeting and others get a hug.
- Talk to kids about who is okay to give hugs, kisses and cuddles to by naming specific family members and friends.
It is important that parents discuss appropriate touch with both overly affectionate children and those who are uncomfortable with others invading their personal space. By learning this social skill kids learn to respect the needs of others and in turn, protect themselves against unwanted touch.
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Angela Krueger - As an adoptive parent and PRIDE adoption trainer, Angela uses her insights to help others on their adoption journey.
